Moving Forward; EdX; TypingClub dislikes British Keyboards

So it has been a fair few months, and I'm at the point I'd usually not bother with blogging anymore. Or create a new blog. My plans foiled once again by my own lack of self-determination and laziness. To be fair, however, I have moved back into Lincoln at last and living on my own again rather than holed up at my parents' place (not to mean any disrespect to them, however, as they have helped get me through this last year).

So now I am finished with the move. And it seemed appropriate to start typing a post again.

I do have some ideas for apps in the works, with lots of diagrams and labels to show how I want them to look. My aim is, having a precise specification of what I want to create, I will then be able to abstract from that the skills and tools I need to (finally!!) start feeling like I can develop something (as opposed to wasting oxygen).

I am also enrolled on an edX.org course. This was always my aim once I had moved. The course in particular is the Introduction To Computer Science And Programming Using Python Course, and I'm really hoping I can keep up with it. So far I have watched the first video and read through the first set of materials. Maybe with an App in mind, I'll actually be able to see it through to the end!

I have also gone back to using TypingClub to improve my touch-typing ability now I finally have an actual desk with full-size keyboard again. I have hit a stumbling block, however... In the fact it doesn't support British Keyboards. Meaning, from a particular point, I will never be able to progress further as it will always be expecting a hash key (rather than the £ sign, which takes its place on the British Keyboard). This seems a bit odd to not have fixed, as all it would have taken is to swap the keys around on their end. I'm not bothered about the US spellings, as I'm not using the site to learn how to spell but rather I am there to learn how to type. But oh well... I shall try to contact them to see when/if they will fix it, and in the meantime keep following the previous exercises until I can't improve anymore. The previous exercises included many actual typing experiences anyway, so it should keep me entertained for a while!!

Thank you for being my voice. #RIPCHESTER

The thing that hits me as I grow older is that people keep dying. When you're a kid, it's maybe the famous people you faintly know on TV, or a great-grandparent you are too young to really remember (my heart goes out to anyone who had a traumatic loss as a child). The older I get, the more I find it's the celebrities that I listened to and grew up with... The deaths in our own communities become people we had closer relationships, closer members of our family and friends.

In terms of celebrity, no death has hit me quite as hard as that of Chester Bennington. For so many reasons... some of which I will try to get down here.

It is such an odd feeling, as I haven't really followed them for a long time... More than that, they are so deeply ingrained in the 00s nu-metal scene... I can't be the only person that loved them as a teen, then "grew out" of them... Thinking they were the heaviest metal I ever heard in my youth, whilst thinking of those songs more like pop music really as an adult. This isn't me trying to slate the band, I'm trying to explain my honest thoughts before Chester's death... And what I would probably think still were he still with us.

The honest truth is, despite these thoughts... I fucking love Linkin Park. It's so easy, with hindsight, to see them as that poppy, teeny band with baggy trousers pretending to be rockers. But the reality is they were a huge influence... There is no one quite like them. And I'd argue, without Linkin Park, there would be fewer fans of rock music in the world.

Up to the moment that they came onto the scene, even nu-metal had that feeling of sweary, screaming, sex-obsessed rocky stoners. Linkin Park crossed that divide with more melodic vocals, more personal emotions and a unique innocence that is incredibly rare in any form of popular music these days (highlighted by the fact their first two albums, as far as I'm aware, had no swearing). Few of those listening would even realise these lyrics were written by a guy who suffered child abuse; they spoke to anyone and everyone going through school and feeling their voice wasn't being. They spoke to anyone that ever felt they weren't being listened to (which, really, at some points is all of us). And they literally crossed genres, between hip-hop and metal, between rapping, screaming and singing. I remember the "Numb/Encore" mash-up being on the charts forever, and it's easy to see why... It could appeal to such a massive audience.

The band used this to grow into other genres... To a certain extent, trying to disown their previous work. I can understand why. There are some that could describe Hybrid Theory and Meteora as a smear on their career... There are others that probably felt like me, feeling a bit too old to enjoy their older work, but not really being a huge fan of their newer work. The reality is every album they released had sales most artists could only dream of. And, arguably, they had earned the right to put out whatever they wanted to create.

Despite some reports to the contrary, I had never, ever, gotten the impression they were "sell-outs", or that they were just trying to gain sales. In fact, the only time I had ever considered this was when Meteora was released (sounding like a continuation of Hybrid Theory). I still loved that album, however.

I'm realising I'm actually spending very little time on the man himself, but rather the band he was the lead singer of. All of my emotions seem tied to the work of the band itself... It was through this band that Chester spoke to me in tracks like In The End and Numb when I was suicidal, depressed, lonely. Part of me feels it's an exaggeration to put them on par with The Beetles, Michael Jackson, or David Bowie. But My honest opinion is that they had the same worldwide impact all these other artists had. And as a listener, you felt a certain, anonymous, intimacy with Chester. Without knowing his situation, you felt and empathised with the fact he was drowning in his skin... That, in the end, it didn't even matter.

This isn't more obvious than the recent music video to the track One More Light. It's a song I may never have listened to were it not for recent events. As the video went on, it was like watching a montage of my youth. With one event, that song now has such a powerful meaning for me... Like the band's own epitaph. You listen and, along with its music video, feel like maybe he is talking about himself, or suicide in general... when in actuality it was written in memory of a friend who died of cancer.

The reality is he seemed to have a tortured youth, which led to substance misuse, self-loathing. Despite that (maybe because of his experience?) he became the lead singer of one of the biggest bands in the world. He always felt like a beacon of hope; an example of how you can't choose the hand you are dealt, but you can still follow your dreams. To hear of his death breaks down that construct in my head. I had the same experience with one of my closest friends... Another person who had been through the worst of life and seemed to pull through and find success/happiness... But ended up ending his own life. The meaning of their songs feels, in some ways, forever changed... Maybe even more intimate, and sincere, than we had ever imagined cranking up the volume after a day at school.

My response to "Where Pain Lives" on aeon.co

This was a reply I posted on the article Where Pain Lives at http://www.aeon.co on the subject of how much pain can be on the mind.  Just to add, I don't disagree with these facts at all. Also, I highly recommend you go and visit Aeon in general... It has lots of brilliant, intelligent long-form articles on a huge range of subjects.

Although I understand the point of the article, I think we should be cautious in how such research might affect medical policy. Not because I think it’s false; but rather, that it would concern me if we automatically assume it is most likely psychosomatic. I’m not saying we should waste lots of money either- even if the personal, heartfelt story I’m about to tell would usually be tinged with “give everyone a scan and never say it’s in their head and waste money” type of response. I’m merely saying that, conversely, there will still be people where there is a legitimate cause, and where surgery might help.

Basically, growing up my mother had Trigeminal Neuralgia… An illness I couldn’t claim to visualise, but which was described to me as a nerve pressing on a blood vessel in (or near) the brain. I can vividly remember growing up how she could get incredibly emotional very quickly… Or how she could be extremely cross, then you knew it hit her when she would put her hand to her mouth and wouldn’t say anything, and would go away. It upsets me discussing it with her nowadays- more the description on her side, that she was a zombie because of the sheer amount of painkillers she was on, she wasn’t really living and yet was in constant agony. It became one of those things where she had looked it up on the internet- and one of those extremely rare cases in these days of self-diagnosis where it turned out she actually had the condition.
Her doctor had referred her for a scan, where the result came back they couldn’t see anything. She had forgotten her Dentist had also referred her for a scan- at a different hospital. Rather than cancel, she decided to go along for a second opinion… Where it turned out they had found exactly what my Mum had read about on the internet. It would have been a 6-month wait for the consultation with a surgeon- which she decided to pay for privately for a few hundred pounds, as she really couldn’t cope with the pain for that long- and within the next month had brain surgery. Which, as a teenager at the time, was frightening.

It took a long time to recover- which I won’t elaborate on anymore- but my point is that she had the surgery, even had a complication when there was a pop in her head and fluid started dripping out- and 16 years later continues to be a successful accountant. It upsets me and feels strange to talk about the past of that pain, as it genuinely feels so foreign and unreal that it was my mother’s life. You would never dream she had “brain surgery”, which conjures up certain images. Yet because she had “brain surgery”, every time she renews her driving licence she has a huge form to fill in about the procedure, her surgeon as well as her GP, she has to answer yes or no tick boxes about whether she has ever had a seizure driving a car, fallen unconscious or the like. Again, it seems so bizarre to think if you know her- let alone it feels almost like a different life that never happened. Even when I use the phrase “brain surgery” to other people, I still have largely forgotten in the moment how huge a thing that was and how much the pain was to her at that point in time. Even just a few years later, starting my GCSEs, it felt like none of that had ever happened.

Again, my point isn’t to preach everyone should have a spine or brain scan for any hint of pain anywhere. On the contrary; the idea that one would have such potentially devastating back surgery when there is the chance you could relieve the pain in a non-invasive way should be a no-brainer (pardon the pun) for any sane human being. I think there does need to be some wider education on pain- it’s too easy to go for the painkillers when potentially even something like a headache can be a reaction to intense stress or even not drinking enough fluids… taking pills only masks the symptoms, not the cause. But it shouldn’t be at the expense of a proper evaluation if they are consistent in showing signs of pain… Although I note with back pain what was said about it being notoriously difficult to even tell the difference between a healthy back with apparent issues and a person who can’t walk with the same issues.

On top of that (and which if anything adds to the argument that “pain” can equally be in the brain) is the idea of the “nocebo”… Being too flippant about it being in a person's head, even just if that person gets the impression that is what you’re saying, can also have negative consequences. This flies in the face of evidence-based medicine, yet makes more sense if “pain” has a mental health element. And again, saying there could be a mental health element could also have a negative effect. Which is where I think it all comes back to education, and acknowledging mental health as an equal or large part of the “health” system. I read how people with chronic back pain have differently shaped brains, and it reminds me of neuroplasticity and how it’s equally possible to restructure the brain with training. Which is far preferable to having surgery which might result in you permanently being in a wheelchair.

Mental Health and Crises

This is a repost of a reply I made to Isabel Hardman's Post on Mental Health... The themes seem relevant, and I couldn't think of a way to word them better here so I decided to post it here verbatim, apart from a response to an unhelpful person who had left a comment.

I can’t quite relate to forgetting TV shows, but I can relate to feeling how bizarre it is that I feels being such a different person between crisis and “health”. For a number of years I had given up computer games, as I became more focused on really forcing myself to socialise and wanting to go out and do a lot more. About a year ago I had my own crisis, and after months of literally just staring into nothingness, I got myself out of that by playing games again. And for a while I was more hooked on being a gamer than I ever did as a teenager. Luckily, that’s a state that it’s then easier for me to improve on and as distraction from the hours of daring myself to keep on living… I can move from games to Duolingo or Khan Academy to get that same “instant reward” from small and measurable goals… Before I know it I’ve sunk 10 hours over a week into learning German. Then by then I’m back out of the door and able to work (with a gradual return). It’s that feeling where I don’t understand how playing a game is what I want out of my life in this moment, and yet knowing in those moments it can be my most important distraction, after a phone call to my doctor and friends.

Memory of a Friend

I apologise for the lack of posts recently. I've been quite hit with the recent death of a friend, who took his own life.

Andrew was a great load of fun to be with, and he always saw the light in everyone. It doesn't mean to say he didn't get angry as well as anger others, but it was never out of malice. It is thanks to his help I got more involved in mental health and was able to overcome some of my fears.

And I'll bloody miss him.

Hands off my phone!

The old technologies were always the best.
Photo by @mararie on Flickr

I believe my mobile has managed to make everything humanly possible to make life more difficult. The instant access to communication isn't always the best thing to have in a heated argument; I believe in arguments letters really were the better way to handle things, as you had at least one day between them to think things over and decide whether some things really are worth arguing over. In return the expectation from other users that one should be "always connected" is also rather frustrating.

One of the worst sins of mobile telecommunications, however, lie in the ease of procrastination. If it wasn't bad enough sitting in front of a blank essay whilst having 300 tabs open in Firefox about the philosophy of Bostrom's simulation argument of life, now I can also sync these tabs to my mobile so I can continue reading whilst I'm away at the expense of finding a loved one's Christmas present.

There is one area where my phone has helped immensely, however; an area that to be honest makes everything else in life work like clockwork. And that would be my calendar. Without it and the ability to sync it online everywhere, I would forget even about doctor's appointments I'd only booked hours ago, let alone important birthdays or anniversary's. And for that alone, the other sins of Web 2.0 can be forgiven.

Eating For Mental Wealth

I'd not even made the link till this afternoon. After a week of relatively healthy eating and exercise, we had a meal planned at a Chinese buffet. It was absolutely fantastic to see people I'd not seen for a while, and I'd certainly had a hearty meal. Well, I certainly wanted to get my money's worth anyway.

Then I got to this morning. My mood had generally been high all week (whether directly or indirectly related to my good food choices and increased exercise is up for debate). And I literally felt agony all over my body, as if a truck had hit me. And my mood was very, very low; I didn't even want to get out and face the world today, compared to a week full of work and fun.

I'm not about to claim that if we all live off vegetables, wear socks with sandals and take 50 Omega 3 tablets every day all the woes of the world will disappear and we will have bright, happy, smiley faces adorned on our heads. But there is an undeniable link between things like a large sugar or caffeine intake, and the "downer" that follows the rush of these more acceptable drugs. Also, if our body doesn't have enough things like Vitamin B, Potassium as well as Water, the first things to shut down are the less urgent systems, like brain function, to make sure enough nutrients get to the heart and lungs.

Interestingly, there was a branch of psychiatry called Orthomolecular Psychiatry, with the aim of attempting to cure mental illness by solely making changes to the diet, supplementing one's intake with "Mega-Vitamins" and the like. Although the proponents started making unfounded claims of "Curing" people using just food when lacking the scientific evidence, it also seems very likely that the reason psychiatry didn't take it too seriously was because there wasn't enough money to be made from un-patented vitamins and food, compared to propriety drugs. (Interestingly, Orthomolecular Medicine seems either more beneficial, or better promoted)

There is growing evidence, however, that taking Vitamin B and Omega 3 each day can lead to an improvement for those with bipolar; which makes sense as the both of these are important to brain function. A psychiatrist I was involved with in a research project put it that there is no harm in supplementing your diet with it in terms of side effects or toxicity, in comparison to the benefits.

So take a minute to think about what you eat. Maybe choosing the banana rather than the Mars Bar will help put your body in the right frame for recovery.

And if you fancy pitching up a tent in your sandals and Couscous, I'll join you.

Is "Crazy" An Offensive Word?

Nick Griffin Is Educated To Degree Level, So Of Course Never Uses Offensive Language. Image via Wikipedia

My partner bought a few books for the nursery she works at, and was absolutely disgusted by the use of the word "Crazy" in the book. Apparently in the book the dog gave some kind of "Crazy look" to his owner for throwing a stick, and Chloe didn't feel it was an appropriate use of the term for nursery age at all. So she took it back.

It most most likely because of the mental health activism (and issues) I have been through that she is so sensitive to the use of the word. But is it really that bad? Everyone says it!

Well, in my opinion, yes. By using the word Crazy, for example, it devalues the stress and agony a person who has ever been labelled as "crazy" or"mad" may have gone through. It also conjures up more disturbing images of Norwegian psychos murdering hundreds at youth camps.

Worryingly as well there is the continued misuse of words like "schizo" to suggest someone or something that is talking to themselves, or that someone's argument contradicts itself. A misuse because technically this is multiple personality disorder. I'm not trying to be pedantic, but rather that not only does the use of the word devalue and negatively portray the illness, but also shows a complete lack of understanding. Also tourrettes is regularly portrayed as a negative aspect of a person, when even people like politicians are using it to describe a person who won't let the speaker finish.

But will this ever change? Is this not just something that will stay a part of popular culture forever? I don't think so. A relatively short time ago racism was a natural part of day to day life, as well as sexism. And we have made amazing strides in moving to a place where, although it is still there, discrimination against someone of a different race or sex is illegal and seen by the majority as wrong.

Also there are more recent controversies such as with the toy based on a character called "spastic". Although not intended at all offensively, and being a word not used in it's home of the United States, it lead to the company removing from sale all of these toys because of the outcry from British society. And more recently there is the "Mong" scandal by Ricky Gervais, where despite him initially refusing to apologise because he thought it was no an acceptable term removed from it's initial meaning (debatable considering he was pulling the stereotypical face as well), he eventually backtracked as he learnt it was still something incredibly offensive to a large group of people.

But I'd like to be clear I don't think legislation should be the main answer. People should be free to say whatever they want- but also anyone or any organisation is free to challenge that opinion, as in the example with Gervais. Unless a person is inciting violence towards a particular group, I don't see a reason for a person to be arrested based on what they think. It also can lead to an increase of people who feel they are being forced to think a certain way by the "Politically Correct" police. I think seeing public figures apologise for their comments, like Ricky Gervais, Nick Clegg or even David Cameron is more powerful. And the best place to change views is to challenge them publicly, rather than allowing them no platform. Although certainly in institutions like the police and hospitals, the laws or rules they abide by must contain anti-discrimination clauses.

Education is an extremely important part of the answer. But remember, even Nick Griffin has a degree in Law.

Reposted on my technology and environmental political blog at http://greenpirateuk.blogspot.com

Related articles

• Megan Fox and Jeremy Clarkson make biggest mental health gaffes of the year (rethink.org)
• Forget the Ricky Gervais 'mong' row, disabled people need action (guardian.co.uk)
• Md. Lawmaker Proposes Gender Identity Anti-Discrimination Bill (baltimore.cbslocal.com)
• The culture of silence must end (mind.org.uk)

Why Heroes Can Be Dangerous In Mental Health

Captain Can-Do-No-Wrong Saves Another Person From The Clutches Of Evil. Image via Wikipedia

There are tens of thousands of "service user" Patient Activists across the country that do absolutely fantastic work in helping end discrimination in mental health and for those with mental health problems.

However, after having time to reflect from my extremely happy inaugural blog post, I believe that it can be extremely dangerous when "heroes" come to the fore in these organisations. Now, when I say heroes, what I really mean are two different kinds of people: The first is the kind of person that tries so hard to be "helpful" and to be the "hero" that, in the process, they push everyone else that may be interested away because it is simply to full-on whilst everyone else is simply trying to help while they get on with their lives. The second (and the one that I wanted to focus on) is the one who has genuinely been placed on the pedestal because, absolutely deservingly, they have done fantastic work and have made a beneficial contribution to... well... a great many people.

In psychology, the scalpel of the professional is, pure and simply, their manner. But as we are all human, by definition we are extremely unlikely to get on with every single person in the world. Which is perfectly fine. One person's fantastic psychiatric nurse may be hated by another.

However, when a person is so highly regarded that they are placed on a pedestal, it can become the movement's worst enemy. Disliking that person can become extremely unpopular. It creates an environment where criticism is no longer allowed, as this person is so highly regarded that their reputation suggests they can't do anything wrong. And the person who does raise objections becomes isolated. This could be directly ("X has done all of this good work and I am incredibly upset with you that you have said something bad with him"), or indirectly ("This person is so popular, I don't think anyone will believe me if I criticise them").

Me? I hope I can just keep doing whatever I'm doing. Silently and without praise. As that suits me absolutely fine.

And yes, I still have a bit of a bee in my bonnet.

Related articles

• Be Your Own Hero (downes.ca)
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Why I am leaving VIK- An Open Letter to @YoungmindsUK

Sadly, after 3 years on the VIK panel, I am going to be leaving for pastures new. My reasons for this stem from what I felt was an extremely inappropriate way to speak to a young, vulnerable adult; and the subsequent complaints procedure and response that has left me emotionally raw, and in a state I feel could have been avoided. I am sick of feeling upset all the time about it to be honest, and would feel much better no longer a part of the organisation.

Firstly I would like to state that in no way to I wish to undermine all the work Youngminds, VIK, staff and volunteers have done to campaign for equality, justice and education to the public and statutory bodies for us young people, who are dealing or have dealt with mental health problems in their everyday lives. I did have a little rant on Twitter, but I wanted to provide some context in the hope that people understand I'm not merely into some kind of “slagging match” for some flippant reason, but that it was a result of distress from the manner of Bill Badham and subsequent failures in the complaints procedure that has left me feeling like my voice, and distress, had not been taken seriously.

Without going into too much detail (although I'm willing to provide more detail if people would like it), my initial complaint was in regards to the manner of Bill when I was stuck in London following the VIK day in November. I wish to stress that I am not calling into question the efforts that were made to provide me help in the situation, but rather the way in which this was done. I do not believe, at a time I was already immensely distressed as a result of cancelled trains and closed tube stations in London leading to me missing my train back home, it was at all appropriate to be constantly reminded that “now yet more funds will need to be used” in order to solve the situation. I also don't believe it was appropriate to get angry about my difficulties in trying to contact a member of staff (mostly as a result of the battery of my mobile phone being unreliable at the time), or getting cross because I could not get more information out of the information desk (bearing in mind anxiety when dealing with other people historically can be a huge problem for me). As a result of the three conversations I had with him on a payphone in King's Cross station, I was left in tears when I had finally managed to get in contact with my parents. I had already resigned myself to having to stay in the station overnight (which didn't bother me so much), but the very least I would have expected was a supportive ear in a time of need, as opposed to sarcastic and demeaning comments such as “I can't exactly magic a plane to you”. In the end things managed to get sorted through my uncle who lives nearby.

As a result of the severe worsening of my mental condition following these events, I decided to write a complaint talking about the events in detail, including timestamped phone calls/text messages where these were retrievable, from leaving the VIK event to the alternative transport arrangements with my uncle. I wasn't out for anyone's scalp, my intention was to ensure things could be put into place to reduce the likelihood of transport arrangements going wrong again, and so that some kind of review on how staff deal with their emotions towards volunteers This included the suggestion some kind of peer support as part of the management structure; the point being it isn't a problem to feel angry, but it would be more appropriate to express this anger among supportive colleagues and definitely inappropriate to express this towards volunteers or those that use the services of Youngminds. I also went to great lengths to point out my own mistakes that I could learn from.

I was quite shocked therefore to the response I had received from this complaint; learning points on transport arrangements and where cancellations should come into play for risk assessments were certainly taken into account. But the most glaring omission, from my point of view, was any reference to staff conduct or any kind of apology for what was said, either by Bill or Youngminds. The response was concluded by an “apology” for how I felt. In the words of James Dale's book “The Obvious”, this can be defined as a non-apology with the translation: “I didn't do anything wrong, but you seem to think I did, so to make you feel better, I'll apologise but I won't mean it.” I didn't get any response from a follow-up e-mail asking whether we should record all of our conversations with staff to insure against these kinds of situations in the future.

A month and a half went by, with nothing other than a letter reiterating the response I had received by e-mail. And it wasn't until a few days ago I started becoming incredibly bothered by the whole situation again. A friend had pointed out to me that, considering Youngminds is a mental health charity, they were quite shocked no kind of follow-up letter, e-mail or phone call had been made. Even if they disagreed with upholding the complaint, not even a “hi, are you ok?”, or some kind of supportive actions, were made. Especially considering this is an organisation that advises other organisations on participation and children/young peoples/service user involvement, it seems mind-boggling that no kind of assistance to see if I felt my voice had been heard, and how I feel the complaints procedure went (Which can be distressing for the best of people, let alone those that may be vulnerable or in a bad way). This for me was the final straw.

I cannot be part of an organisation that, for whatever reason, is unable to put its own advice on participation into practice. As I said, Youngminds has done a hell of a lot of good; the commissioning process in Hampshire, the VIK manifesto and input into government strategy on mental health services for young people are all VIK and Youngminds projects I have been proud to take part in. And, despite my negative experience with Bill, he has created such change in the passion and enthusiasm within the group. And this is why I felt so betrayed by the experiences of the last few months.

For all the good work that charities do, I don't believe this should shield them from any kind of criticism. No organisation or person can do no wrong, and I believe this idea can be hugely damaging. That is the way of benevolent dictatorships, and eventual crumble from not learning from mistakes. All it would have taken, from the conversation with Bill in November to my inbox in the last few days, was a sorry. Even the NHS, within the first few lines of a complaint's response, will genuinely apologise in the first few sentences (and not just for “how you felt”). For whatever reason this wasn't possible from Youngminds, probably as this would have been an acknowledgement that something had gone wrong; which of course isn't possible in these days of damage limitation and NHS contracts. It became, as I have seen many times with other people detained by the NHS, or police force, or other business, yet another tale of a well-known staff member versus a known unknown (and possibly insane) “service user”. And, as I have spoken out against organisations that have this attitude, I cannot volunteer for an organisation that falls into the same trap.

At the end of the day it's your choice whether you believe or disbelieve my experiences from that night. I'd hope that I have never built up a reputation of making things up to spite people, or to be subversive. You could also choose to criticise me for not bringing this up at the next VIK meeting- although I feel extremely unsafe in placing the trust of my wellbeing in this organisation right now, in case things again went wrong. You could also say I didn't exhaust the entire complaints procedure (there is one more level of complaint I could have made)- however I didn't see the point in this complaint again being investigated internally, but only by people a bit higher up.

To be honest I have to say, after posting this, I am not going to worry myself over it anymore. This has eaten up the last 2 months of my life with an extremely low mood, ruined my holiday and ruined my christmas. I have other things in my life I need to focus on and make a difference in.

In hope

Gary Watts

P.S. Could you please remove me from all correspondence from Youngminds, unless it is directly related to my complaint.

About me. Creativity. And... Stuff.

Hi all, this is the first of what I hope will be a huge number of amazing adventures we shall embark on, into the world of super amazing and definitely not geeky HTML and Design. First about me.

I’m a 20-something armchair eco-warrior, although in my head I’m still 15, and I hark from the City of Lincoln in that small island known at the United Kingdom. I had been diagnosed with the affliction of Bipolar, which means I am regularly dogged by very low depressions and occasionally very high periods of productivity and creativity which are fun but ultimately unsustainable and usually end up in causing many problems. However my aim is to cease being dictated to by my label and instead try and use some of that energy for good. Sometimes failing. Although I have been on national radio talking about mental health and the like, as well as affecting national policy on mental health problems, so have been successful in some senses. It’s just a shame that, at present, I have very little paid work!!

I have a lot of piecemeal knowledge on HTML and graphics design I learnt by doing at school, and also picked up a lot of design skills in college and university. My reasons for joining the P2PU webcraft school was in the hope that I can put all this knowledge together and do what I do best, which is creating things. If I could make a tiny living from the work I do, then that would be so much better too. I also agree with the open source ethos of free ideas being shared for free. On a more technical side I am interested in trying to create everything I do using open source software, and have restricted my web design to Ubuntu (or the Linux Mint flavour, to be exact) to try and force me to learn how to use the very much comparable free software.

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